Watch out, Hollywood; Heidi Montag is totally serious about taking you over and having her way with you. The radically reconstructed Hills enchantress, who recently dipped her presumably-still-natural toe into the mainstream film world with a part in the upcoming Jennifer Aniston flick Just Go With It, has announced that she’s penning an action-thriller at this very moment, and it’s totally gonna blow your head into a tiny million pieces when it hits cineplexes across the country. And she’s gonna star in it too!

According to Montag
“I’m writing a movie right now. It’s very action packed…It’s Bourne-meets-Barbie.”

Well, Montag certainly has enough plastic parts floating around in her skin at this point to authentically pull off the Barbie part. But how do you make a Bourne-type movie without any running sequences? Montag recently admitted that her plastic surgery has left her unable to jog, let alone go into a full sprint.

Apparently she’ll make up for that shortcoming with lots of weaponry. Montag adds that she’s fully prepared for whatever shoot-’em-up, stab-’em-up scenes that her cinematic masterpiece might include:

“I’ve trained in knife fighting and guns for over two years with one of the founding members of Saw, [who] was [in] the original Delta Force. So I’ve been shooting and practicing the whole real-life action figure for years.”